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Kevin's Cell
Kevin OMG
kevinsempire
"Hey, you've reached Kevin J. Stoley. I'm not currently available. If you're leaving a commission, press 1. If it's a personal call, press 2. If you're a telemarketer, press 3."


[comm] for commissions, [call] for calls/voicemail

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*giggling can be heard*

I would like you to write a commission where I totally marry Edward, my name is Nicole stone and i-

*struggling and fighting can be heard on the phone*

I would like you to write a story when I Natalie marry Jacob and kill Edward and Bella, we- I will pay you one million dollars for it.

bye!

*giggle*

Kevin left a message back, keeping his cool best he could. He was half-drunk already, but sober enough to not let people on, "So, uh, I'm going to need photos or something. It's gonna be hard to write the story with no idea what you look like. I'll get to it asap. As for the money... you're over 18, right? If you aren't I gotta talk to your.. whacha call it... mom or something. Thanks."

As soon as the phone hung up, he drew Edward being slaughtered by Darth Vader.

ooc- I'd like kevin to be really well know cus of the stupid girls for his twilight chirstmas story, I assume he was wasted when we wrote it. he like keeps getting checks in the mail for it XD

WONDER WOMANN!!

ooc - LMAO. He was half-wasted when he wrote it, and finished the job as soon as he typed up the last word.

[Voicemail] [2 - Personal Call]

Hey Kev ~ it's Becki!
As for lunch? I'm totally in.

Let me know when and where and you'll be the top of my list ~

<3

Re: [Voicemail] [2 - Personal Call]

Okay, meet me at [insert fancy restaurant name here, I've already called ahead. If I'm not there when you are, just tell then you're with me and they'll show you right in...Dress nice though ~

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one.

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was.

Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,

she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered,

'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying,

'Ever since your mother came to dinner,

I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.

You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.

So he sat down and wrote:

__________________________________________________________

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house,

I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle.

But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian
__________________________________________________________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
____________________________________________________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer,

I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer.

But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed,

she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

LMAO KENNY THAT IS HILARIOUS

I know right! I have a million of them- I'll send what I can Kevin ;D

IF A PERSON CALLED SIMON ASHTON ( SIMON25@HOTMAIL.CO.UK ) CONTACTS YOU THROUGH EMAIL DON'T OPEN THE MESSAGE. DELETE IT, HE IS A HACKER!!

TELL EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST. IF SOMEBODY IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK ADDS HIM, THEN YOU WILL GET HIM ON YOUR LIST. HE WILL FIGURE OUT YOUR ID COMPUTER ADDRESS, SO SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE AND FAST BECAUSE IF HE HACKS THEIR EMAIL HE HACKS YOUR MAIL TOO!!!!!...

Anyone-using Internet mail such as Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL and so on. This information arrived this morning, Direct from both Microsoft and Norton. Please send it to everybody you know who has access to the Internet. You may receive an apparently harmless e-mail titled 'Mail Server Report'

If you open either file, a message will appear on your screen saying: 'It is too late now, your life is no longer beautiful.'

Subsequently you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC,
And the person who sent it to you will gain access to your name, e-mail and password.

This is a new virus which started to circulate on Saturday afternoon. AOL has already confirmed the severity, and the anti virus software's are not capable of destroying it .

The virus has been created by a hacker who calls himself 'life owner'.

PLEASE SEND A COPY OF THIS E-MAIL TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, And ask them to
PASS IT ON IMMEDIATELY!

Better than a Flu
Shot!
Miss Beatrice,
The church organist,
Was in her eighties
And had never been married. She was
admired for her sweetness
And kindness to all...
One afternoon the pastor
Came to call on her and she showed him
into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while
she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond
organ,
The young minister
Noticed a cute glass
bowl Sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled
With water, and in the
water
Floated, of all things, a
condom!
When she returned
With tea and
scones,
They began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his
curiosity
About the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer
resist...
'Miss Beatrice', he said,
'I wonder if you would tell me about
this?'

Pointing to the bowl.


'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it
wonderful?
I was walking through
The Park a few months ago
And I found this little package on the
ground.
The directions said
To place it on the organ,
Keep it wet and that it would prevent
the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.

If you don't send
this
To five GOOD
friends
Right away
There will be
Five fewer people
Smiling in the
world.

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